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| The 2018 cohort representing eight countries and spanning across two generations. |
When I told people that I
was going to a Life Commitment Program, many replied, “Oh, vow camp-I did
that!” “Vow camp?” I thought. Would it be like boot camp? A rigorous arduous
final test of stamina and perseverance? Thankfully, no, not at all. Rather, it
was a grace-filled and sacred time to reflect on my discernment journey with
God, with wise seasoned “lifers” (including my own community-mate, Sr. Janet
Gildea☺), and with a wonderful troupe of fellow travelers. It was a time to look
at who God has called me to grow into through both the periods of profound joy and challenging painful disappointment. And it was a time to contemplate my desire and readiness to commit to doing this for the rest of my life.
I have a sign taped to the
computer on my desk at the Intercommunity Justice & Peace Center where I do my ministry that reads, Not
for the Faint of Heart. More than once, I’ve found that to be quite a
fitting description of the formation process and religious life, a life of
intentional self-examination and commitment to continuous transformation and
conversion. Despite the challenges, for me it is a life form that is as attractive as a light in the darkness
is to a moth. At our opening session, Sr. Charlene Diorka, SSJ asked the
group, “Why are you here?” The answer that popped in my head was, “Because I
can’t help it!” I can’t resist God drawing me deeper and deeper into
discovering God and my true self. Though fleeting, the moments of feeling in
union with God are so intoxicating and blissful, they far outweigh the work it
takes to get to them - the labor pains. I thought of all the people who have
helped me get to this point, especially some of my sisters who have coached me
through the toughest of growing pains. Sister of Charity of New York, Regina
Bechtle’s poem below came to mind. Religious life is a life of labor, but it’s a labor of love. God’s love for us,
and the reciprocal love of God by us.
Hard Labor
No C-section for this birth.
You will choose the riskier way,
the way of pushes, gentle or grueling,
of breathing in rhythm with pain.
You choose the wisest midwives,
doulas with muscled hands for you to grip.
They will rub fragrant lotion on pressure points
and murmur into your worst contractions,
“You’re doing just fine.”
You choose not to dull the pain
but to lean into it.
You labor, long and hard.
Somehow you know that waiting
is labor’s hardest part.
~Regina
Bechtle, SC
Sr. Charlene also asked us
to select a picture that represents how we feel about religious life. This was the one that captured many of my feelings. Religious life is a faith-fueled exciting adventure! Sometimes
it’s smooth sailing like in the picture, sometimes the waters churn and get
choppy. Though I can’t see where it is I’m headed, I trust that God is calling
me, so I can take my hands off the wheel of the helm, throw them up in the air
and let God steer the course!
The last day of the program was a day with limited input and time for reflection and integration of all we had explored during the week. It was a beautiful sunny day, so I went outside and sat on a bench that was tucked beneath a cluster of trees. Again, I thought of the parallels between a woman laboring to give birth to new life, and religious life. It is the container that allows me to bring to life the person God created me to be, and in response to be a life bearer to those of God’s people most in need along my way. As a soft breeze danced across my face, I leaned my head back and looked up. The perfectly formed opening to the heavens made by the canopy of branches above me made me laugh out loud! It was literally an open invitation beckoning me forward. I imagined myself at the bow of my little boat, arms raised in exhilaration, as I sailed on through, “Okay God, here I come!”
I can feel you earnest struggle with hope..blessings and joy!
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