By Sr. Andrea
Koverman
Typically
reserved for young children, this is not a comment most adults are accustomed
to hearing. It’s a joyous exclamation
that gives expression to the wonder we experience when witnessing an infant
transforming into a toddler, a child, an adolescent, an adult. I’ve had the happy good fortune of sharing my
office for the past few months with the precious new son of the director of the
organization where I minister, and I have said those very words to him myself!
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| 2 months old |
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| 5 months old |
So, I was
surprised when Sr. Annina Morgan, still one of the sharpest dearest wisdom
figures in my community at the age of 100, recently said something similar to
me. I was one of many joyful people gathered to witness Sr. Annie Klapheke
professing her first vows in early December, and went to say hello to Annina
before the ceremony began. I remarked at what a happy occasion it was and how it
seemed only yesterday that I was doing the same as Annie. I leaned down to kiss
her velvety cheek and when I drew back and looked in her big brown eyes, she
said, “But it’s already been more than a year—and look how you’ve grown!”
Followed by an invitation to reflect further on that with, “How have you grown
this year, Andrea?” She never lets an opportunity like that slip by!
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| Srs. Annie Klapheke and Annina Morgan |
Musing and
praying with that question has occupied my spirit ever since. Much more helpful
than my typical where-have-you-failed-end-of-the-year reflection, this
how-have-you grown reflection feels more fruitful already.
I have to admit
that I am glad to see 2016 go. I can easily generate a list of blessings, joys,
and gifts that I received during the year, and I am genuinely truly grateful
for each of them. But, it has been a year of considerable loss and sorrow for
me as well; things I never dreamt would happen have, and people I wasn’t ready
to lose have gone. Sometimes I have felt like the battered little fishing boat
out on the Sea of Galilee with a sleeping Jesus seemingly unconcerned or unaware
of the storm I was struggling to weather. Mercifully, those moments pass relatively
quickly, and hindsight helps me see how those painful experiences have helped
me to grow in faith and trust in God. Like a best friend who just grows dearer
and dearer, it is love that sees me through and love that gives me confidence
that as Julian of Norwich said, “All is well, and all manner of thing shall be
well,” come what may.
I know my heart
will continue to break as I endeavor to live out my community’s charism of
responding with care to the needs of our time in ways that are sure to feel
risky. In his homily at my mother’s funeral now several years ago, Fr. Gino
looked at my brother and sister and me sitting with our arms around each other
and told us we would have to make a conscious choice that day. Rather than
allowing our hearts to close in an attempt to avoid the kind of pain we were
feeling, we would have to choose to love again, which with all certainty would
mean we would suffer again.
On January 4th,
we celebrate the feast day of the foundress of my community, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, who relied on God’s
grace to give her the courage and strength to choose to love again each time
she experienced a fresh heartbreak. That grace saw her through the deaths of
her husband and two children, through the rejection and scorn of family and
friends when she converted to Catholicism, and through the many obstacles,
hardships and disappointments of starting a new religious community. “Be
prepared to meet your grace in every circumstance of life,” is a commonly cited
quote of hers. In reflecting on the year behind me, I whisper a prayer of
thanks for the grace that leaves me with a heart in tact and open to love
despite my own heartaches. I wonder how “prepared” I am to meet God’s grace for
whatever is coming next, and I pray that I am even more aware of God’s gift of
readily available and always accessible grace in the year to come.
Like I used to tell my
students, hoping to do well is not the same as being prepared to do well—that
takes effort. How can I prepare to meet God’s grace? Just as it is with any
relationship, the most important thing is time. Time for talking, praying,
listening, meditating, just being and enjoying each other’s company. In the
busyness of life, I’ll have to make it a priority to invest the time with God
that will allow our relationship to deepen or it won’t happen. Making the
effort it will take to grow in awareness and reliance upon meeting my grace is
at the top of my new year’s resolution list! What’s at the top of yours?
