In taking a
walk this afternoon, I was overwhelmed with the beauty of the springing forth
of nature. I saw eight turtles sunning
on the bank of the lake. I observed two
Canadian Geese nesting, preparing for the little ones to come. The red buds are
in full bloom; the dogwoods are beginning to come out. The beginning of leaves
are forming at the end of tree branches. So exciting and encouraging. God is renewing the Earth with spring growth!
Spiritual
direction is also a springboard to new life. Having the accountability of talking
to a spiritual director each month has increased my self-awareness. She is able
to gently point things out areas in me that I am blind to. This has been stretching and good, sometimes
painful.
Looking at
my personal and spiritual growth over the past year, I see similar excitement
in viewing the new growth from spring flowers and budding bushes. In the fog of
the novitiate, I have wondered “Why am I going through this? Will this ever
make sense?”
As I see maturity
developing, I am encouraged. I’m growing in knowledge on how to relate to
people, how to be thoughtful of others, how to be less selfish. I am excited
about growing in my ability to build community.
To be able to communicate my ideas, contribute my talents to my
community being built with a greater noble purpose. Religious life is too grow
together with others (lay and consecrated) in so many ways.
While walking, I saw a mother push her one
year old baby in a carriage. I think how
much her life has changed because of the birth of her baby. She can’t do what she wants. She has to get
up at night and feed her child. She has
to change, bathe, rock to sleep her infant.
She does this out of love. God
has put that maternal instinct in mothers/fathers. She is glad to do it for the joy of raising a
child. In becoming a Sister, knowing God
is forming me into a mature, loving, less judgmental person has been hard
work. But knowing I will be a better
person, friend, sister, confident encourages me to persevere.
My spiritual
director encourages me to feel my feelings. In feeling my feelings, I’ve learn
not to shut down my pain because it will come up somewhere else. I give myself permission to feel my pain and
with time, move on. When you are driving
on ice and start to skid, you turn the steering wheel toward the direction of
the skid to recover. If, out of fear, one turns away from the skid, you spin out of control and land in the ditch. So too
with our emotions. As I turn to my feelings and feel them, I recover, but if I
avoid them, I spin out of control.
One day, driving back from Evansville,
Indiana, I stopped for a prayer break at St. Meinrad's. While in the chapel, I looked out a window
and saw a tall, stately pine tree. I
realized that this was once a seed that cooperated with the sun, water and
earth around it. It grew to become a
huge, lovely creation. It did nothing on it’s own. As I cooperate with the graces around me and
relax, God makes me into who I am to be. Let go and Let God.
As I care
for myself through spiritual direction, I am a better servant to those around
me. As we take care of the earth through
what we buy and products we use, we develop integrity and pride in our
community. We have something to pass
onto our children/nieces/nephews and grandnieces and nephews, not only in clean
air but also with clean hearts of great
faith. Celebrate new life!
